I imagine, given today’s economy, there are a number of blogs cropping up that focus on paying down credit card debt. Most of us, I also imagine, publish this information to hold ourselves publicly, if somewhat anonymously, accountable. How is this one any different? Not by much – only I owe just over $30,000 in credit card debt, my husband I and keep separate finances, I only make $50,000 a year (gross), and he only knows about $11,000 of that debt.
Yes, I do know that this is bad. Yes, I do feel awful. Yes, I have trouble sleeping. Yes, I should come clean.
But I won’t. Not as long as I can avoid it.
I’ve been over all of the reasons to tell him. I know I *really* should. But, realistically, I’m not going to. Not if I can help it. I ran up the debt – granted, most of it for the family (as opposed to *for myself*) – but, regardless, I intend to pay it off on my own. On my salary, as I hold up my end of the standard to which the family has become accustomed; mostly, anyway.
I just made this decision some 2-3 weeks ago, after I finally added up all of the numbers, and figured the interest rates, and added up the interest, and figured at this rate I would never be out of debt, and decided to stop charging anything at all. It was $40.00 that put me over. I don’t know if it was silly, or ironic, or just plain sad that it was $40.00 that finally forced me to this, really, I suppose, as that was the last charge to the credit card – for Papa John’s pizza and chicken fingers, no less.
Bad, bad decision, I hear a few folks saying, keeping this from your spouse. Yes and yes, and a little bit no, I say. So a little background to explain.
My husband’s job forces him to travel most of the time - we’re talking 85-90%. I am not, nor have I ever asked to be – an authorized user on any of his cards, excepting the AmEx, which I have historically used only for gas. My father-in-law had cancer, and he and my mother-in-law moved in with us while he was dying. We collected no rent, no supplements for food or utilities; neither of us would ask – but even had they offered I would have refused. Family takes care of family; clan comes when clan calls, as my mom would say, and given that clan called, we came. However, my salary, with two growing children and all of their expenses, couldn’t entirely support the calling, and debt ran up on my cards during that time.
We also moved to our current location (out of our previous state) based on career promises made to me that never materialized. I ran up some debt there, too.
With hubby travaeling, and not using his cards, but, all of the kid expenses – clothes, food, school stuff, summer activities at daycare, daycare itself - have come out of my salary which is easily 2-3 times less than that of my husband. I’ve also covered the cell phones for both of us (and hubby uses 1000+ minutes per month, getting reimbursed from work and pocketing the money, while I use less than 100 minutes per month), cable, and home repairs.
A couple of late payments on one card, and they *all* jacked their rates up to the default, even though the others were current. I was such a credit ignoramus – I had no idea about “universal default.” I called to get those rates changed years ago when they went up – no dice. I’ve been paying upwards of 30% interest on two balances for six years. Even though my spending on the cards has been relatively modest given the circumstances (maybe $200-$300 per month over the last year), and I’ve been making more than the minimum payment on both cards, my balances have continued to go up just due to finance charges, upon which the banks still refuse to budge.
To top it all off, I was in a car accident a couple of months ago which, although it wasn’t my fault, totalled my car and forced me to buy a new one, using the savings cushion I had managed to build to purchase the replacement vehicle. Now, the replacement is paid for completely, and insurance actually went down by about $200/year, but still, that money was supposed to pay off one of the cards. Instead I’m left with the same amount of debt, and a new/used vehicle I didn’t intend to purchase and otherwise didn’t want.
My older son has a learning disability, but he’s not performing badly enough in school to qualify for state or county-subsidized services. This is primarily due to the fact that we won’t let him fail, risking his overall education and his self-esteem, just so he can qualify. So it’s private services, which aren’t covered by insurance, just to keep him at grade level. No, I will not give this up or scrimp on the cost. He needs this for his future as much as he needs food and clothing, and I will not give it up. I am, however, still arguing with insurance company over whether or not they need to reimburse us for it. We have a partial payment, which, of course, has gone toward future bills for therapy.
Oh, and up until about two years ago, I also paid for all birthday / anniversary / Christmas gifts for all family members, including my husband’s – and he has five siblings and 20 nieces and nephews – on less than $40k per year. Even with a budget of $50 per adult and $30 per kid this adds up on such a salary. I figure I spent less than $2k a year on anything not related to familial necessities (food, minimal dry cleaning (3-4 times per year), gas, clothes for the kids, gifting hubby expected for his family, necessary medical for my kids), and this generally covered necessities, and, admittedly a handful of luxuries (about $300 per year in business clothes / shoes), for myself.
I don’t get my hair cut but twice a year, and that’s at Great Cuts or Fantastic Sam’s or some such. I don’t get waxes or mani-pedi’s. For the last two years, when I need new clothes I get them at Wal-Mart (a place I hate to shop, for multiple reasons). I’ve purchased one handbag and one wallet in the last five years, both together totalling less than $30.00. I eat lunch out on average once per week, and that’s at Wendy’s – $4.90. I do purchase Lancome foundation, because it doesn’t aggravate my eczema, but moisterizer is Neutrogena, cleanser is soap, I haven’t seen a toner since my youngest was born, and other makeup is composed of either freebies with purchase or Maybelline / Revlon / Walgreen’s Max Factor. Well, two months ago I spent a fair amount – about $100.00 stocking up. I take this on myself. I could have forgone the cost. I didn’t because I had been so good for so long, and my hair looks like crap, and I’ve been gaining weight from the stress and can only wear the Wal-Mart clothes with elastic waists, and I just feel so utterly awful about myself that buying some new, nice makeup (like I used to be able to buy 10 years ago) made me feel normal for a day, so I did it.
Not the best strategy, I know. But you spend nothing not necessary on yourself for a year, you like to think $100 won’t kill you. You like to think that, but when you’re where I am, it’s all a shell game you’re going to lost anyway.
It’s not that I’m going crazy with the spending on frivolous things for myself, but it’s all added up anyway. And hubby not only doesn’t get it, his temper is volatile enough that he won’t even listen to how the debt came about, as I discovered when I came clean about $11K of that debt. So, in the interest of stability for the kids, and harmony, however precarious, at home, I’m keeping the rest to myself. If anyone wants to advise me to do otherwise, you certainly may, but I’m not likely to change my mind at this point.
Anyhow, I’m using this blog to keep myself honest with myself, because I realized just about three weeks ago that the interest rates on these two cards (the only two I have carried for the last 8 years) is killing me, negating any payments I have made. Outside of $7.00/month, for example, I hadn’t used my Discover card in six months, and even though I’ve been paying more than the minimum for over a year, the balance was higher than a year ago – due primarily to the ridiculous interest. The MasterCard was worse.
So I panicked. I mean, I’d paid more than $3000 toward one debt, charged maybe $700 to it in one year, and came out $1000 in the hole, and this didn’t even include the other card with the even higher interest rate (and balance) – who wouldn’t panic? Particularly given the fact that my personal income is really 1/3 that of my husband’s, and I cannot really lower our standard of living to pay it off. I was lucky I’d been able to save enough to make up the difference on that vehicle. I simply couldn’t support the debt any more.
I have to pay it off.
So, the next post(s) will deal with how I plan to do that.
Peanut Gallery